Welcome to the Sugary Scoop, my free weekly newsletter where we help you see and experience the magic of NYC that I love so much through curated events, experiences, artists, and community stories.

Let’s get to this week’s Scoop!

If you’ve been to any of my recent events, you might have noticed that there is a lovely lady with a camera that has been filming me in my element.

In case any of you were wondering, that person is filmmaker Olya Schechter.

Some months back, Olya, who I have known for some time, had approached me about the fact that she was embarking on a new film project, a documentary about community and connection.

Obviously, this piqued my interest.

Over the course of the next 2 to 3 years, she is going to follow the lives and stories of different community builders and leaders to produce a commentary about the ways in which communities foster connection and the people working behind the scenes to make it happen.

Now Olya was peripherally aware of my work and also a subscriber to the newsletter so she thought I might be a perfect candidate for the film.

Then shortly after DK and I did our first interview, I was hospitalized.  

Talk about a dramatic arc right?

And I imagine it’s probably gonna be this way. No sugar coating any of this…pun intended.

I think what you will witness will be a mix of inspiration and surprise, and I gotta say both a bit excited and nervous about what the end result will be.  But there is only one way to find out…

So the next time you see Olya with a camera following me around, do us a favor and trust the process and let her work on the cinema verite.

All right Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my closeup…

THE SUGARY EFFECT

The Epistemology of Friendship, Evolved (Part 2 of 3)

There’s nothing like a near death experience to bring up unexpected candor. I don’t know, something about the prospect of an untimely death rudely interrupting the course of life encourages more direct reflection.

Who knew that some unsolicited criticism would become the proverbial tough pill to swallow in my prescriptive recovery?

In my time of semi-isolated recovery immediately after I left the hospital, only a handful of friends came by to visit (by design…I felt loved by so many of you) and in that time, we got to actually hang more than usual without the looming advent of a stacked Google Calendar to disrupt the bonding.

As it turns out, I discovered that I was apparently in the eyes of some of my close friends…

…not very present.

Wait…wtf? :-/

Imagine how shocking this would be to hear for a guy like me.  

I mean, I’m the guy that never flakes, always does his best to attend everything, bends over backwards with favors, remembers birthdays, and so on and so forth.

Like really how could this be?

But I heard this similar critique more than once so I couldn’t just sweep it under the rug.

My instant reaction was a muted molotov of frustration, hurt and confusion.

I could feel myself wanting to get defensive. A tribunal of trusted arbiters in my life were seemingly passing an unjust verdict. Especially with how much I know I had invested in these relationships.

How did I still come up short in their eyes?

Thankfully, overreaction is not my strong suit and I had the wherewithal to compose myself and really try to hear them out.  As I listened to this surprising grievance, I got it.

It was the perception of my actions that drew the greatest anathema.

There wasn’t actual doubt in any of my friends’ minds of my intentions or that if they really called on me, I wouldn’t be at the top of the list of people they feel confident would come through for them in a heartbeat.

But what bothered them was that they felt our long-term rapport had vested into an unforced kind of dedication that was never meant to be proportionate with any other relationship I’d seek to cultivate.

The kind of dedication that would supersede the daily beckoning of a self-imposed event itinerary, or being present purely for the joy of being in the room without a tendency to sweep a room of guests into my ever expanding Rolodex just by virtue of me catering to my nature.

An example that was given to me was one year I was invited to 4 separate Thanksgivings…

I made it to all 4.  

But that meant I had to be super regimented with my timing and even though I was physically there, and brought something to gift each gathering, I was always on the clock.

From this perspective my effort to be everything, everywhere all at once wasn’t heroic, it was actually annoying to my close friends.

This social butterfly was getting his wings clipped in real time.

I could feel the tinge of resentment in their voices that’s sourced from the kind of hurt that could only come from genuine love.  

Hard to take in honestly, but since I truly pride myself on developing quality relationships, it was time to start minding my own house rather than focus on continually building new ones.

It came with a caveat though…

While my actions/outlook may have inadvertently poisoned the well in terms of perception, it is also the wellspring of my uniqueness.

A characteristic born of adolescent trauma, forged in genuine curiosity and tempered into an exuberant spirit that is uncommon even if it leaves the gate open towards excess and exploitation.

At a recent conference, Gary Vaynerchuk predicted a future where a person’s ability to express humanity at scale will be the single most critical skill one could possess. He literally said NOTHING ELSE WILL MATTER MORE, especially in this AI crazed world where no one knows what to believe. What I do and how I do it IS the secret sauce.

It’s important to acknowledge and refine upon one’s shortcomings while also asking your friends for measured acceptance of the traits in your personality that are exceptional to you.

It’s where I believe you’ll find the core essence of who you are, presented in a way that offers the grace needed to those you care about most.

🍬 Sugary

NOTABLE NYC EVENTS, HAND-PICKED BY SUGARY

Welcome to the inaugural edition of The Sweet List—our newly standardized events newsletter built with complete with a color-coded Trust System, clear Time & Place formatting, crystal-clean social-battery icons, concise one-line value props, bite-sized “Your People” profiles, Free 🆓/Ticketed 🎟️ markers, and curated experience icons to help you zero in on the perfect vibe.

AND DON’T SAY I DIDN’T TELL YOU ABOUT…

Viola’s Room

How do you know an act of storytelling is incredible?

It’s the kind of experience that’s transporting…that makes you feel…not just with your heart, but with all your senses.

And the master architects over at Punchdrunk, celebrated creators of Sleep No More have created another masterpiece for New Yorkers to enjoy.

A more subtle, contained and linear experience, than the choose-your-own-adventure nature of the previous Shakespearean offering, but truly no less beautiful and definitely utterly immersive in its own unique way.

In a small group, never exceeding six people you enter the experience, barefoot with headphones on and are told one simple instruction, “follow the light”.  

And while we are left to contend with the dual meaning of that statement in utter darkness, the first faint light ignites, and away you go.

Through the textured veil of darkness, you explore a girl’s tale of obsession and transformation across time and ultimately innocence lost guided in parallel with allegorical precision by the whispers of an archaic gothic short story (Moon Slave by Barry Pain) narrated by the delectably haunting vocals of Helena Bonham Carter.

To be clear this is not a scary experience, if anything it’s more an elegant telling of bittersweet melancholy than anything else.  But it is masterfully eerie and I feel this is what the folks that Punchdrunk excel at, truly maestros of atmosphere. 

And the story is just so beautifully told…

As an example you “visit” Viola’s room several times throughout this experience and each time there are clues that you are entering the room at different points in her life which also coincide with the progression of the short story and leads your mind to ponder in reflection of your own progression through life.

If you have time to catch its extended run through mid-November, I highly recommend checking out Viola’s Room…

…a room that defies expectations with breathtaking imagination.

Connect IRL. Experience Fabrik.

Get in touch with NYC’s brightest communities and make new friends.

Fabrik is a home for communities and where everyone has a place to belong. With spaces designed to feel more like your living room than your office, Fabrik’s 'third spaces' are vibrant hubs where you can come together in real life, explore interests, forge meaningful connections, and enjoy a sense of community.

Sign-up here to experience a free trial at Fabrik.

Weekly events at Fabrik HERE

Othership

Othership offers immersive sauna and ice bath experiences that help human beings feel good now. A sanctuary for social self-care to move you from city buzz to inner calm.

Dive into the largest performance saunas in North America, experience otherworldly ice bath spaces and connect in an intimate amphitheater-style tea lounge surrounding a cozy fire place for socializing.

Expect towel-waving performances, aromatherapy, guided breathwork, visualizations, and somatic release to help you shift your state and regulate your emotions, in a world that can’t be regulated.

The founders of Othership have gifted us a New York 2 for 1 Deal. Get yours while they last!